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2022 - year of self care

All my life I have never been able to take naps during the day. My mind won't stop churning, head won't stop thinking. This has not been the case lately to my pleasant surprise...God be praised! Following the emotional and psychological catastrophic end to 2021, I purposely declared 2022 a year of self care. No major goals to pursue, no side hustle to keep me running. Is this why its been easier to nap during the day? Not sure,  I doubt it because even as a child/youth with no major life goals or side hustle, I could not nap during day. To what end is our endless toil? To what end my relentless life goals pursuit? This is what I have been thinking a lot about this year. I set up and run a successful business so that? ...I can make money and retire early? So that, I can feel fulfilled? So that I can feel like I lived up to my potential? If I were to unpack each of this: So that: I can make money and retire early, so that I can own my time, so that I can spend that time doing mor
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Aunty Banke don vex 2

  My mom is not pickin my calls after i blasted. Smh...for that woman, she is just emotionally hard core. That hurts my feelings i need to take Adaezes advice and learn to package her to one side like she packages her mom LOL.  Ada is gentle, generous, prayer warrior but now i realize emotionally hard core 😂. I dont know how to package my mother o, a 77 yr old woman, what if she passes on and we are not speaking to each other.  Even though she lacks tact when it comes to my life as a divorced single mom she is still a woman who has had a hard life and i feel sorry for her.
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Self deprecating Self talk - the root of it all

My God! Why does my mom make me feel inadequate, invalidated, all efforts as a single mom to be a bread winner, a present parent, a daughter, an entrepreneur, resilient, a domestic violence survivor and doing well after so much psychological and physical abuse - all  unacknowledged. All she sees is what I havent done, what i am yet to do. Where i fall short. Is this the source of my recurring self depreciating talk of not enough? All along I thought  it originated from Lincoln, my malignant narcissistic ex but more I become vast in the psychological make up of my childhood I see it started loong before i met Lincoln. The hard driving effort from mom and dad to make me this 'good' domestic girl (mom) and an independent self reliant woman (dad). Is this the source of my incessant drive to be 'good', accomplished, better, a hard driving perfectionist? Back to my mom, yesterday i was obviously anxious about a meeting i had coming up with the GM. Not nervous but anxious tha
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Mummy Guilt, Single Parent Dilemma or just the fact if Life

  Perspective of a single parent go getter / entrepreneur: Today I left home at 2pm to go to Home Depot and Lowe's in search of materials for a real estate rehab project. Left kids at home. Didn't make it back until 8pm. 6 hrs of leaving kids home alone.  1st I dont think this is even legal. 2nd, it just makes me very uneasy as a parent - some call it mummy guilt but for me the feeling is more palpable. The opportunity cost of this particular business venture and every other one I have embarked on, is quality time with myself, my children, grocery shopping so as to cook a healthy meal or just snuggling up to a good movie after a long week of mind twisting, pulse raising meetings, IT Mgt SME consulting, and Excel spreadsheets analysis. On this particular day, the opportunity cost feels even higher i.e. spending valentine's day with the loves of my life - Justin and Tamilore during their formative years. I cannot run such errands during the week when they are in school due
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Gods Animal Farm

In this world there are the goat, the sheep, the dove, the swine and the serpent. Which one are you? And which one are the folks in your circle(s). Sheep - God compliant Gods children  Goat - non-compliant  Gods children  Dove - Gentle  Swine - gas lighters, attackers. Wicked Serpent- wise, cunning
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Advencation - Costa Rica

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Day 1 - March 7th, 2020 Arrived at Barcelo hotel in Costa Rica just before 1pm and was relieved to hear rooms were ready. Too hungry to relax. Headed to the pool side restaurant to eat my first meal of the day - roasted chicken and cajun potatoes while listening to some popular music - Bruno Mars, Adele, Michael Jackson. Back in the room, I caught up with "Deigned." Got it off my chest...what did you want out of this friendship? Said he wanted more. Also agreed that career is first in his life now. As for me, I will not settle for #3 which is what I'll be if I date him now - that settles it. We will remain friends...only friends...at least for now...maybe forever. Diego - our guide's introduction and overview was both informative and casually entertaining. Looking forward to tomorrow - artisan village,  oxcart factory, coffee plantation,  butterflies 🦋.  Pura vida folks!
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The makeup of a quality decision

Life is the outcome of a series of decisions. If life was like a house, decisions will be the bricks. This makes me think - to improve the quality of my life, I'll need to discover how to improve the quality of my decisions. So how does one crack the code to making quality decisions? Sounds like the key to a fulfilling life if you ask me. A few thoughts came to me concerning this. Before making a decision, weigh the motive, driving force, intention of the move you are about to make against the following criteria: Pride vs. Principle Panic vs. Peace  Pressured vs. paced To the above add a large dose of instinct - by imagining yourself on the other side (outcome) of each decision option you have. How do you feel? Joyous, burdened or unsure?  If the later two, steer your ship away from that direction and pray - "Commit your way to the Lord ; trust in him and he will do this:" Psalms 37:5 NIV
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