Journey To A Fresh Start

 Good morning Sarah, happy holidays.  This morning, I summoned up the courage to address things directly, with my childhood alpha personality friend who I still kept as a friend to this day.  She didn't receive it well at all, she got defensive and harsh as usual but this time instead of cowering - I spoke up.  It will take a miracle for us to remain friends after this morning's row - 39 yrs of friendship, I hope I did the right thing  addressing things directly with her. The letter u asked me to write and not mail, did not seem to be enough for me to heal that wound.  I feel like I am on a journey to heal every wound that lead up to Lincoln's Domestic abuse.  I feel I have been circling this particular childhood pain for fear of how she will receive it, for fear of losing my oldest friend.  Perhaps she was never really my friend. We should not be intimidated by our friends  😐

 I just did it again.  Bunmi C, asked me how I was but I focus on encouraging her. I resolve to lifting and encouraging others. Being funny when I am actually in deep emotional pain.  In the last 24 hrs I have checked on: Chioma NJ- Sandra Anojulus friend,  called Sandra Anojulu to check on her, called Loretta to encourage her, called Kenny to check on her mom, I had long conversation with Femi answering her questions/ recalling things I would rather forget. Called Bunmi Akindebe, Jane Nsunwara to check on them. Even summoned the courage to send an uplifting text to my show no vulnerability- strong personality Aunty - the family matriarch. Sometimes I wish I was like her - a rock. In my 44 yrs only seen her vulnerable once.  Why do I do this encouragement form of escapism? After allowing myself to be still in the much dreaded quiet of my now empty house - this gave room, allowed me to feel my emotions, I gave permission to myself to cry. Then I realize its because I think encouraging o

In this world there are the goat, the sheep, the dove, the swine and the serpent. Which one are you? And which one are the folks in your circle(s). Sheep - God compliant Gods children  Goat - non-compliant  Gods children  Dove - Gentle  Swine - gas lighters, attackers. Wicked Serpent- wise, cunning