Things he used to do...I do now

I just spent 2 hours outside, in the cold, fixing the nativity scene Christmas light. For the life of me, I am not sure why the top section won’t come on. I am an Electrical Engineer by training I thought. I should know this! My grand idea was to take it apart and assemble it again thinking perhaps it’s the tangled wires. My neighbor called out from across the street: “do you need any help”. My response…I think we figured it out … <no we hadn’t…but it was important to me to come across like I had it handled…piece of cake>. I guess I was really responding to my wasband in my subconscious, who I was sure is hoping I struggle without him.

Aaaaah! I said to the kids, this is the last time I am putting this up. It goes in the trash after the holidays. It must be damaged…can’t be anything else. Neighbor got done sweeping her front lawn and came across the street. What’s going on, she asked? We got all the lights going except the top section…the star won’t come on…we’ll just have to make do like that.  She examined it and said, “you have a light bulb missing…that’s probably why it won’t come on.” In a minute she fixed what I had spent an hour messing with. In my head I thought…I can add that to the list of things I have had to learn to do on my own since the divorce. Independent as I am…not sure I was prepared for being Ms. FixIt all of a sudden: the ladders I’d have to climb, the thermostat I’d have to fix, the attic I’d have to visit, the home networking system I’d have to figure out and now the nativity scene lights! 

Being single again definitely had its challenges. Perhaps I should have paid more attention when he did these stuff…nothing prepares you for being suddenly single again. All that said…not for a moment do I regret the decision to walk away from an abusive marriage.