Like Grass and spring flowers

Another conversation with my attorney - again its focused on how the two attorneys are yet to agree on how the $50K should be withdrawn from my 401k and split between them. Its been over 4 weeks and they cannot agree on quadro vs. non quadro - stating lack of trust on both sides. I am super frustrated at this point. "Can we talk about what needs to be done to finalize this divorce?!" "If I am coming short $50K, can it at least be that the divorce is final!"

What kind of system rewards an abusive person, who lies and manipulates his way through the court system - with the payment of his attorney fees from the victim's funds. This is after he has lied his way to reducing child support from $1800 to $650 per month for two children. Stating he is not gainfully employed...smh.  I have suffered being kicked out of the marital home with both kids, legal badgering from his attorney, being bullied through discovery in-spite of his lack of response to mine, a nervous breakdown leading to 8 weeks medical leave, the shame of the situation being public at work. Spent all my savings trying to free myself from this relationship, living from paycheck to credit card, frequent moving due to being at the mercy of landlords etc. I have had enough!

I cried to God...I yelled in frustration...I pleaded in pitiful surrender - "I surrender to the lesson oh lord!" I cried over and over as I stretch myself across the floor.  At this point, 30+ months since I filed for divorce, I have been through a spectrum of emotions - fear, anxiety, anger, happy, sad, hope, depression, gratitude, panic attacks, despair, insomnia  - all enveloped in deflective giggles and laughter to hide the pain inside. I am done, I prayed and cried.

Then I opened my bible, the pages landed on Psalm 37. Again I am reminded, as the Lords word brings me comfort -  wicked folks only last as long as grass and spring flowers:

Psalm 37[a]

A psalm of David.

1 Don’t worry about the wicked
    or envy those who do wrong.
2 For like grass, they soon fade away.
    Like spring flowers, they soon wither.

3 Trust in the Lord and do good.
    Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
4 Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you your heart’s desires.

Hope you find comfort in these words as well.