Journey To A Fresh Start

What kind of God goes silent that the most needed time in his worshippers life. I have known nothing other than salvation thought Jesus for 28 years! But times when I have mourned grief, that is when I feel most alone. Screened from his audible voice.

There is a old Chinese saying "if you choose to fight for revenge you must first dig two graves."🤜 💔 💣🤛  So true! This is evident in high conflict divorce (basically war) weigh your intention. Revenge? Justice? Fairness? Freedom? When at war, even if you 'win', take careful note of what you lost i.e. things you had to sacrifice to gain that 'victory'. Vengeance is mine says the Lord. I heard that in my spirit multiple times through the 3+ years my divorce process dragged for. At the end of my divorce trial, the jury ruled  "no - finding of assault". That ruling cut deep, like being assaulted all over again -  this time by 10 strangers. How could they deny the obvious! The testimonies (from police, CPS, Sarah Garay of the fort bend womens center for domestic violence). All this evidence...the TRUTH. My money, mind, many moments measured in years put into gaining my freedom the correct way, all gone for this OUTCOME!???! Does this old Chinese

They froze, full of guilt as I walked into the study: one looked more guilty than the other as the younger one slid a few steps away from the computer - leaving her older brother holding the mouse. "What are you doing", I asked. They were playing "roblox" on a week night! That was a direct disobedience to my outline of their weekly schedule. "Didn't I say no online games during the week?" This had never happened before (at least not to my knowledge). Off to time out I sent them. A few moments later, I cant help but wonder -  a m I too strict? Is it hypocritical? R emembering all the hours of TV I watched after school when I was their age. I actually have been transparent with them, telling them that I watched too much TV growing up but I desire for them to be better than me. Read books and enjoy reading them. How do I build and nurture this habit in children when I myself need that discipline? How do I raise kids in an area where I am still being rais

2007 to 2018: 11 years of emotional and mental torture! The physical cruelty does not compare to the agony inflicted on the unseen part of my person. All due to the decision to marry this one person. I always knew one's choice of spouse can make or break a life, however I did not give it the due weight it deserves. This is now too much for me to bear, but I wear my smile and live each day - swimming while drowning.  God! Help me! Deliver me from this relational frustration with my Ex. Take away this thorn in my flesh: endless court appearances, endless hours exposing lies after lies after lies has become a full time job. $100K+ in attorney fees! Countless hours preparing court documents. All this with a masked smile to the world...all the while swimming while drowning. The routine has become familiar: Therapy -- work -- SM🙂LE. Anxiety suppressants -- church -- SM🙂LE. Yoga -- work -- SM🙂LE. On and on like clockwork...swimming while drowning. I need you Lord, speak yo