Self deprecating Self talk - the root of it all

My God! Why does my mom make me feel inadequate, invalidated, all efforts as a single mom to be a bread winner, a present parent, a daughter, an entrepreneur, resilient, a domestic violence survivor and doing well after so much psychological and physical abuse - all  unacknowledged. All she sees is what I havent done, what i am yet to do. Where i fall short. Is this the source of my recurring self depreciating talk of not enough? All along I thought  it originated from Lincoln, my malignant narcissistic ex but more I become vast in the psychological make up of my childhood I see it started loong before i met Lincoln. The hard driving effort from mom and dad to make me this 'good' domestic girl (mom) and an independent self reliant woman (dad). Is this the source of my incessant drive to be 'good', accomplished, better, a hard driving perfectionist?

Back to my mom, yesterday i was obviously anxious about a meeting i had coming up with the GM. Not nervous but anxious that the work he expects to see was still unfinished and i needed to form a diplomatic way in my to ask for his support with getting additional resources. I had 15 mins left to the meeting my head was spinning on howbto say this without offending him or anyone else in the meeting - the management of egos. My bro ("debo omo mi...omo mi ni debo...opelope debo") all my moms sayings about my older brother- indications of him being her favorite - i guess the rest of us are bonus children 🤨-  was here to pick my mom up for a bank appointment. On her way out debo asked if she can move her flight to Sunday because his son had soccer game far away. My mom said no, then she turns to me and asked again for her flight details to Atlanta, which Inhad told her many times i will g8ve her as soon as i get a chance. At that specific point in time, I couldnt process that at the moment, i told her i sent it to her when i booked it, she can search for it in her WhatsApp history with me. As of now, I need mental space b4 my 2pm meeting with the GM, i cant function when multiple demands are coming at me at once. There is always Friday- the next day to give her what she wants, afterall her flight is not until Saturday. Joked to my bro that my mom wants what she wants right now - drop everything and attend to what i am asking you approach.

She says she has been asking me for the last few days.  I told her the last few days i was dealing with Chevron work, driving kids to soccer and power outage. Told my brother i dont know what he is fussing about about needing to take his kid to soccer on Saturday- at least its him and his wife. Over here i do it all on my own so everyone can chill about getting mom to airport on Saturday or arranging who is picking her up, i already took care of it. As of now i can't be looking for her ticket details which I already sent to her when i booked it until tomorrow, Friday- my less busy day. Or at a minimum stop standing over me making demands, my brain freezes and i dont function well that way. What does mom say in response and why am i surprised..."mmmm...awa naa ti shey ri...ki lo wa n be" meaning what are you doing that is soo hard, we too have done it before.  Smh!...i have told *this woman* many times and tried to explain to her that whatever she did when she was raising us absolutely does not equate to parenting in America, talkless of parenting on your own. Such lack of empathy for my striving for me as her female child is just constant. A lot more empathetic to her sons i have observed- who as far as am concerned cant walk a day in my shoes. Just when i was about to let her have a piece of my mind she exits and shuts the front door. I say to my brother - what is mummy talking about "awa naa ti shey ri...with her maids, driver,  onidiri who did my hair, washman, lesson teacher etc. And with all that sent us to boarding school at age 10 and 11. Why is she so unempatheric towards women striving? Brother responds- "ni suuru." Him always the shiny child, ever the paitent and generous one in my parents eyes. Who conveniently avoids any psychological heavy lifting when it comes to our parents and just prefers to throw money at the problem. I told him i hope he told her what she said was not fair when he got in the car instead of always giving me reprimanding advice -  ni suuru aka be patient. The patience i dont see you and your wife showing. Her ass couldn't handle it for a week before his rude ass wife went ballistic on mom a few times. Pssst...am i going to need to divorce my family to finally feel psychologically sound? Perhaps i need to free myself of this Nigerian sense of reverence obligation, give my parents a piece of my mind and cut everyone the fuck off.