Journey To A Fresh Start

Good evening Aunty, please let me report my self to you ma as i know it will sooner or later get back to you. I just had a major outburst with my mom in front of mama peter and in the midst of it I went off talking about all the way she seems to only criticize me all my life. Not much and support from her when people ( tumis family, lekans family, seniors in boarding school, prayer partner pastors etc) come and lie to her that I did something wrong. Instead of giving me the benefit of a doubt she will take sides with these 3rd parties and I am left to my own. Her criticisms since my childhood (has nothing to do with her growing old now) never helped me build a healthy self esteem. I had to prayerfully build one myself in my older years. Don't think she realizes how damaged my marriage left me. I am trying to heal from the last couple of years of lekan and his family's abusive drama. Criticisms edpecially from my mom only trigger all the memories of abuse I endured from friend

I am: - Banké - the shy and timid, little Ms nice girl 珞☺ - Fey (Felicia) - the boisterous, fun and goofy 藍 - Olivia Pope - the fixer, boss lady, whip cracker, karate chopper. The no nonsense part of me. - Michael Ross - the smart one AND - Storm  - the bold and adventurous. Motocyclist, mountain climber, hiker, traveler. All small pieces of a greater whole. I joke about them being my multiple personalities - different parts of me that show up depending on the situation - sorry to my friends who have experienced all in one conversation 藍藍. I have always wondered? - was I born this way or were they birthed as a result of a need to adapt to the world I was thrown into? Basically to survive. Who knows... I want to be done psycho-analyzing myself. All I know is I feel like multiple persons in one body - nothing psychotic here, let's not go there (if anyone is reading this). But has anyone ever accepted the fact that God may have made us this way? i.e. multiple persons in on

 "Amoeba...hmmmm...what an interesting organism...sounds a lot like me." This is the thought that went through my head as i sat in class - probably primary 4 (4th grade) - and listened to the Integrated Science teacher teach us about microorganisms. Interestingly that is almost the only lecture I vividly remember from elementary (aka primary) school. Why? I can't say, my guess is I must have always been an introspective person as I still am today. I have just as much conversations with myself in my head as I do out loud, lol - if not more. Today, I don't use the phrase Amoeba, I use the phrase conflict avoider to describe myself. As the Amoeba adapts to its environment to avoid being prey to a hunting predator, so I adapted, conformed, yielded, to strong personalities in my childhood to avoid conflict and still do today - in most cases. It is this very nature amongst other things that I believe led me to marrying a malignant narcissist and all the perils, trauma, stre