"Aunty Banke don vex"

 Hello uncle, sorry if i sounded  passionate yesterday. I called out of concern for my moms health and the comment about going to report me to debo threw me off.

Uncle I would appreciate coming to me directly next time, taking an approach of seeking to understand *why* banke acted that way works best for me.

Like u said, u told her, banke does not act that way with you and that's because you don't treat me like i am 2 years old. Your nature is generally laid back, unintrusive and easy going.

Folks who are hard driving, intrusive, domineering, always criticising/complaining, hard to please, only seeing the bad in people or situations, instigating conflict by back biting/gossiping, talk bad about people all the time, always the victim, harsh with their words, self serving or unempathetic trigger me.

Mom exhibits some of the above traits. She has come over here and talked bad about how sister Buki, your wife, treated her, how seun treated her, how Aunty Biola treated her, how my dad treats her, how mama Peter my former nanny treated her, how debbie treated her, how my friend doyin and her mom treated her. 60% of the time its true that they treated her wrong, 20% of the time its her perception, 20% of the time she probably provoked it like in my cases.

She has talked about various family members i can't count. It used to make me dislike those people on her  behalf but now i try to brush. The unintended consequence of all her complaining is family conflict and hidden offenses. All her complaints made me dislike my dad all my life. I am just now trying to love the man before he dies.

Last time they were here in 2018 i could take it anymore and confronted my dad about all my mom said he is doing to her and the ones i observed myself as well, lo and behold it backfired cos she teamed up with my dad and called me rude. 

I have been hearing her complaints about what this person or that person did to her, did not do good enough since i was a child - *i am saturated and mentally drained by it. Seriously it weighs me down!*

All my life I never hear any affirming word from her just what I need to correct about myself, what i am not doing good enough, how my personality is just like my dads or how am like my Aunty taiwo etc - *my mental health can't take it anymore. All it does is make me feel depressed, invalidated by her, unknown to her, mis-understood by her, inadequate and *not good enough* 

I am trying to build myself back up after marriage to that abusive man, I can't be around people who make me feel less than or are domineering.

If she is happier in Atlanta. I won't be offended if she chooses to stay.