Journey To A Fresh Start

Lawsuits are really draining. Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually exhausting. How about a 7 year long suit with the person you chose to love for the rest of your life. The person you chose to wait till marriage for, to have children with, to have and to hold till death do us path. Its not only emotionally, physically, spiritually draining, it is crushing and heart breaking! There are days I go from happy to sad to crying then laughing...oh add in moments of irritability/anger.  It's been 7 years since I filed for divorce. I can't believe it's been that long. Not only that, but I am also really not sure how I survived - not just survived...thrived overall! Not without challenges I must add. It only shows the power and resilience of us as humans when surviving is the only option. If anyone asks me what the secret to my survival is, I will say -  community - my children, friends, church, co-workers;  TV - reality shows were surprisingly validating and a good way of

Today I stopped being my moms saviour. I told her my deepest hurt that I had locked away for years. One I never had the courage to tell her due to the super duper reverential nature of our culture. How come you did nothing when my older brother told you i was being bullied "controlled" by a friend. How come you did not believe me when I said I did not start it that my childhood friend did. How come you didnt fight for your daughter and tell the Smith's who were defending their daughter saying I started it that "I know my daughter...she will never start such a thing." It was their daughter that was the abuser. Why did you say to me that day you examined me...they said you started it, and went on your way without giving me the benefit of a doubt. Why did you agree with Lincoln's mom when they said Banke has anger issues. Why did you blast me in 2014 when I told you to please be on my side, telling you that my Ex's family support their son but you crit

 I make it to my drive way after a weekend off in the mountains with my friend Bob. We laughed, we shared, we did the touristy thing walking around, Big Bear lake, lake arrowhead, all Saturday afternoon. I love nature it makes me feel zen, more connected to God. I catch Bob's facial cue of "i don't believe in that" but over the years he and i have learned to give each other space in our beliefs or lack thereof.  The weekend was great,  only thing it lacked was my alone walk in the woods. Bob wont allow it - said there were dangerous wildlife. I think i would have gone anyways if i saw a defined trail from his home, his beautiful home up on the hill. This is one of my coping mechanisms for stress. I seek a trip, preferably a naturesque vacation where i can feel reenergized and refreshed. If i were honest with myself  I would say a big reason I escape is because i don't like being home alone. The kids gone for the weekend, week or month - home alone leads to conjure

 [10/30, 3:10 PM] Banké: Btw has therapy helped you? 6 yrs later i still feel broken 🤬 [10/30, 3:47 PM] Banké: Work Pleasure Alcohol Drugs Social activity, TV binging, Praise and worship - various forms of escapism from the minds constant churn. All in an effort to achieve a state of numbness or euphoria. A state of 'No Mind' / Satori. I give up.

Self Care Day #...: Setting boundaries with family Self care day #25: A day at SPA world Houston. Massage and naked soak in jet hot and cold tub Self Care days #...: trip to Jamaica  Self care day #36: pulled a gangsta move and drove to Pearland last night with kids and them show me where their dad lives. Time to stop being timid and serve the NMFF to court since he decided to re-open divorce case as a strategy to avoid being accountable to paying child support. Let's play ball NMFF!

Thank You all for  the birthday wishes  🤗🥳🤍💙.  Let's do it  again next year LOL!

The length I go through to fix things got me to Body and Brain yoga, Missouri City, where I met the good folks there. This time I was trying to fix the nerve pain down my neck brought about by the Jan 16, 2022 accident. No one prepared me for the soul awakening exercise that my membership in the body and brain yoga and taichi center will soon become. Finding True Self workshop was part of the package I purchased. On September 24 and 25th, I  attended the all day workshop in Cypress. It was an Interesting 2 days with some psychologically freeing and weird activities. Writing about my childhood in 3rd person then it being read out loud to me by my partner (psychologically freeing) and some "not sure why the heck they want me to eagle pose for 30 straight minutes under intense shoulder and arm pain"(weird). The pounding, beating and slapping on the chakra points -  weird. The team board game eye opening! My tendency to go with the flow so as to avoid standing out in a crowd coul