Life As A Single Mom

 I make it to my drive way after a weekend off in the mountains with my friend Bob. We laughed, we shared, we did the touristy thing walking around, Big Bear lake, lake arrowhead, all Saturday afternoon. I love nature it makes me feel zen, more connected to God. I catch Bob's facial cue of "i don't believe in that" but over the years he and i have learned to give each other space in our beliefs or lack thereof.  The weekend was great,  only thing it lacked was my alone walk in the woods. Bob wont allow it - said there were dangerous wildlife. I think i would have gone anyways if i saw a defined trail from his home, his beautiful home up on the hill.

This is one of my coping mechanisms for stress. I seek a trip, preferably a naturesque vacation where i can feel reenergized and refreshed. If i were honest with myself  I would say a big reason I escape is because i don't like being home alone. The kids gone for the weekend, week or month - home alone leads to conjured up thoughts of how this is not the life i planned for. How I was too good a church girl, not a person to end up abused, divorced and parenting alone. How unfair it all is. I have been doing the work to heal since that illustrous day but loneliness I have not conquered yet.