No longer my mother's savior

Today I stopped being my moms saviour. I told her my deepest hurt that I had locked away for years. One I never had the courage to tell her due to the super duper reverential nature of our culture.

How come you did nothing when my older brother told you i was being bullied "controlled" by a friend.

How come you did not believe me when I said I did not start it that my childhood friend did. How come you didnt fight for your daughter and tell the Smith's who were defending their daughter saying I started it that "I know my daughter...she will never start such a thing." It was their daughter that was the abuser. Why did you say to me that day you examined me...they said you started it, and went on your way without giving me the benefit of a doubt.

Why did you agree with Lincoln's mom when they said Banke has anger issues.

Why did you blast me in 2014 when I told you to please be on my side, telling you that my Ex's family support their son but you criticize me and affirm their criticism of me to their face.

In the car that day in 2014 as we headed back to my apartment you said to me: , "if you are doing something wrong, I will tell you, dont tell me that! Why should I do what the Olades are doing siding their child. If my child is wrong she is wrong!" What was my wrong mummy, what was my wrong? That i was angry at a man who had abused me psychologically and emotionally for years was wrong?

Why mum do you never give me the benefit of a doubt? Why did you never take time to get to know me? Why does it take outsiders telling you you have a good daughter for you to see that i really lived my life to make you proud of me.

Why did it take getting to this point for me to explode vocanically for me to be heard?

I can count on one hand how words of affirmation I remember but the laundry list of criticism of me is endless.

I give up! Save yourself from your husband, while I save myself from mine while trying to be an attentive, present, affirming mom to my kids.