Journey To A Fresh Start

Today I realized I nee

  My mom is not pickin my calls after i blasted. Smh...for that woman, she is just emotionally hard core. That hurts my feelings i need to take Adaezes advice and learn to package her to one side like she packages her mom LOL.  Ada is gentle, generous, prayer warrior but now i realize emotionally hard core 😂. I dont know how to package my mother o, a 77 yr old woman, what if she passes on and we are not speaking to each other.  Even though she lacks tact when it comes to my life as a divorced single mom she is still a woman who has had a hard life and i feel sorry for her.

 This weekend exchange: ...I need to know before end of day today. Did u get tami's email sent you about taking her to the party she already RSVP'D to this weekend. If not. I sent u the link feel free to un-rsvp. According to the kids you told them you can pick them up early this weekend since there is no school on Thursday and Friday? I do not have a problem with that but again send these communications directly to me via our family wizard not via the kids. Cos i need to be able to differentiate if it is you proposing it or them. If its you and it works for me, ill need to plan drop off on Thursday with Tara right after Soccer practice. I don't do lastminute.com disruptions. However if coming this weekend is from them and it is not convenient for you please be up front enough with them to say no -  instead of giving them the run around to come ask me. Its unfair to these kids. Keep them and me out of your good cop - bad cop approach of parenting. Be bold enough to explain

 Good morning ma. Hope you are good ma.  Just sharing with you as a mental health professional the extent i go to guard my peace and mental health now.  The kids came back from lekans place and were telling me last night that daddy said they should come live with him, his girlfriend and their new baby (shameful man who has not paid childsupport in over 2 yrs and has the guts to reopen the divorce case to collect $55K he was awarded in the divorce...shaking my head).  Demilade said daddy said he would buy him a car at 16.  Both kids said they were considering it because he just moved to a new house with a pool that has a slide in the backyard. *I quickly told them they should go, they don't need to wait till school year is over.* I told them i will move in the man who has been toasting me with his children and the children can have their room 😂😂😂. I will finally be able to focus on myself, travel more, maybe even move away from stressful America and they can come and be visiting

 Hello uncle, sorry if i sounded  passionate yesterday. I called out of concern for my moms health and the comment about going to report me to debo threw me off. Uncle I would appreciate coming to me directly next time, taking an approach of seeking to understand *why* banke acted that way works best for me. Like u said, u told her, banke does not act that way with you and that's because you don't treat me like i am 2 years old. Your nature is generally laid back, unintrusive and easy going. Folks who are hard driving, intrusive, domineering, always criticising/complaining, hard to please, only seeing the bad in people or situations, instigating conflict by back biting/gossiping, talk bad about people all the time, always the victim, harsh with their words, self serving or unempathetic trigger me. Mom exhibits some of the above traits. She has come over here and talked bad about how sister Buki, your wife, treated her, how seun treated her, how Aunty Biola treated her, how my d

My God! Why does my mom make me feel inadequate, invalidated, all efforts as a single mom to be a bread winner, a present parent, a daughter, an entrepreneur, resilient, a domestic violence survivor and doing well after so much psychological and physical abuse - all  unacknowledged. All she sees is what I havent done, what i am yet to do. Where i fall short. Is this the source of my recurring self depreciating talk of not enough? All along I thought  it originated from Lincoln, my malignant narcissistic ex but more I become vast in the psychological make up of my childhood I see it started loong before i met Lincoln. The hard driving effort from mom and dad to make me this 'good' domestic girl (mom) and an independent self reliant woman (dad). Is this the source of my incessant drive to be 'good', accomplished, better, a hard driving perfectionist? Back to my mom, yesterday i was obviously anxious about a meeting i had coming up with the GM. Not nervous but anxious tha

There was no more at least to hold on to. 

Thank you for being here. I have to confess, you have been tricked, tricked into thinking you were coming for a birthday/house warming. I for a while now have made jokes about having a freedom party aka divorce celebration party. Humor aside i what i wanted ... nothing more is to say thank you. Thank you to God who finally settled us - the kids and I. Having a place to call our own, for me is beyond the glitz and glam that covers the brick and mortar beneath it all. It symbolizes rest and no more moving boxes 😄 - at least for a while if i can help it. That you are here means you are aware of the upheaval that the last few yrs of my life has been...let me btw use this opportunity to apologize to those who had to listen to me vent for mins on end about the experience 🙈 (i basically went from being a very private person to vomiting the stress that was my life to anyone who dared sincerely ask how are you LOL 🙈?) My 1st major panic attack was just from looking at a moving box placed in

 It wasn't love at first sight.  I was introduced to Leon 2ce in one afternoon. It was right after service one sunday at church when Boyance hailed me to introduce me to her cousin.  He wasn't bad looking, my first impression though was that he was too flashy for my type. A little to home boyish. I said hello and kept going. I started my vehicle and proceeded to drive out of the church premises when one of the deacons said she wanted me to meet her nephew, to my surprise it was the same guy, Boyances cousin. The hell, 2ce in one afternoon? Why they picked me out of all the singles in church I never knew nor did I bother to ask. "Hey Banke, I want you to meet me nephew, Leon. I said hello again - this time he looked embarrassed. Heck! I was embarrassed for him but I said a polite hello, smiled and drove off. Who would have known that that very day, that very meeting had the potential to change the course of my life. Leon got my number that day, I figured it won't be lon

Hello, hope you and the family are fine? How is my dear Abike. I stayed away as I have been working on myself since December. Whatsoever may have caused such a distant memory to be conjured up and needing to be addressed after soo many yrs must be the mind's way of forcing attention to buried issues. Since learned this is a sign of PTSD, triggered by serial events since 2015. You do not have a "nasty tongue". That probably came from my intimidation of your quick wit when we were kids. Thought to clear the air. Stay well. Girl I cannot begin to explain to you what was happening to me in December. Let's just say I have been focused on healing. You do not have a nasty tongue. The reason you and I cannot be friends is because we are more than that - we are sisters.

 I am joyful now that I am in a loving, committed relationship.  I am whole,  no triggers, no trauma responses

 I am so happy now that I have clarity of purpose and of my next best step.

I am so happy now that I am healed from my past hurt. I am deeply in love with my new man and he is deeply in love with me. I didn't know love like this existed. He is kind, generous, a good listener, gentle, a great lover and financially blessed. Loves and loved by my children. I love the life we are building together. I no longer feel alone or wounded. I am so happy now that I met my soul mate ❤.

  Perspective of a single parent go getter / entrepreneur: Today I left home at 2pm to go to Home Depot and Lowe's in search of materials for a real estate rehab project. Left kids at home. Didn't make it back until 8pm. 6 hrs of leaving kids home alone.  1st I dont think this is even legal. 2nd, it just makes me very uneasy as a parent - some call it mummy guilt but for me the feeling is more palpable. The opportunity cost of this particular business venture and every other one I have embarked on, is quality time with myself, my children, grocery shopping so as to cook a healthy meal or just snuggling up to a good movie after a long week of mind twisting, pulse raising meetings, IT Mgt SME consulting, and Excel spreadsheets analysis. On this particular day, the opportunity cost feels even higher i.e. spending valentine's day with the loves of my life - Justin and Tamilore during their formative years. I cannot run such errands during the week when they are in school due